Singled Out but Not Alone

“Oh what grace…oh what peace to know that you are here with me..”

Dear diary,

This week has been a challenge to endure emotionally. Until this week, I did not realize how easy it is to depend on man for such things as validation, joy, security, entertainment, intimacy, etc. One day, when driving to work, I found myself sadden by the thought of being alone. As I reflected on how I’m not currently dating anyone and barely have time to visit with friends/family due to various circumstances, I began to feel more lonely than ever. Then, immediately, the Lord began to minister to my heart.

Briefly, God informed me that he has been right by my side within every moment of my life. He began to reveal to me my habits of holding on to relationships that were never in his plan for me, but I held on to these relationships all because of the fear of feeling alone. God went even deeper into informing me about myself by giving me a revelation that I have a tendency to hold onto relationships with people whom are in close proximity to me. He revealed to me that the only person creating the illusion of him being so far away out of reach was me. Therefore, I was led to his word that reads in Matthew 28:20 “I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (AMP). Even when I did not chose God but instead I chose others he informs me in John 15:16,”But I have chosen you and I have appointed you and placed and purposefully planted you..” (AMP). So I continue to push through the remainder of this week knowing that I am not alone , but God is with me for eternity. I chose God as my source of contentment.

“So bring on whatever…you make all things work together.. ALL THINGS GET BETTER.”



Falling in Love Again

Dear Diary,

For the rest of week I am choosing to focus on falling in love with God again. Typically during a fast, I tend to pray about situations being resolved or preparation for the next big move soon to happen in my life. Rarely, do I pray about my love for God increasing, for its easy to assume that a person must love God if he/she confesses to believe that he is their Lord and Savior. Personally, I know it to be true that I can have love for someone, but not be “in love” with that individual.

Throughout the entire year of 2017, I entertained everything, but the thought of loving God with a whole heart. As I take this time to reflect, I can see how I gave so much of my time and energy to people and/or things that did not bring God glory. I am so quick to do the things that satisfies this flesh, but slow to do the things that pleases God. Am I a selfish person for this? Maybe. Or am I someone who needs to know what it means to be in love with God. If I confess to love God, then my actions must line up with the words that I speak. Therefore for the next few days I am choosing to spend time with God before pleasing myself and anyone else. No longer can I allow myself to be distracted with thoughts and conversations that do not bring God glory. No longer can I give God the short end of the stick, but give others, including myself, all the time in the world.

Starting today I choose to fall in love with God again, for he deserves that much.

Trust the Process

Dear Diary,

What can I say about the year 2017, for there has been so many mixed feelings within this one year. Reflecting over this year of 2017, there seems to have been more lost than gain. From financial hiccups, maneuvering from place to place, academic pressure, changes within my relationship status, and family issues escalating, this has been one exhausting year, physically, mentally, and spiritually. If someone were to ask me to describe the year of 2017 using only one word, my answer would be, humiliating. However, after experiencing one on one time with God, it has been revealed to me that the year of 2017 was meant to be used as a humbling experience, never humiliation.

For the past month, God has shown me that 2017 was a year of development, a time when I was constantly being pruned through use of various life situations. God is helping me to understand that this season was never intended for me to be comfortable, instead it was designed to help stretch, shape, and mold me into the person Gad has predestined for me to be. In order to handle a new season of blessings and elevation, I was informed that I must first be broken and reshaped. I’ve come to realize that God has to break away things/persons that may hinder someone from receiving their blessings and pursuing their calling on his/her life. From my quiet time spent with God, I was able to learn that storms are sent to build a person up , after first tearing away bad habits, whether that includes changing one’s mindset, heart, and/or desires. During this season that I’m currently in, I have found myself reflecting over the words once spoken to me by an amazing woman named, Rebecca Suttles. One particular day of meeting with Mrs. Suttles to discuss financial aid for school, she told me to never take “the struggle” lightly, for it is from those moments of hardships that you learn to appreciate the blessings to come in life. God has great things in stored for his children, but he will only release all that he has for each individual when he/she are able to handle it.

Therefore, I am recognizing that the hardships in life can literally be used to make me strong, and with that being said, I have learned to seize every life experience as an opportunity to grow. So I say thank you 2017 for the all hang ups and sleepless nights. I thank you Jesus, for separating me from persons/things that would’ve hindered me from walking into my new season. Last but not least, I say, “Thank You Jesus!” that I am not defined by what tangible items I possess, but I am what the word of the living God declares am I. From this day forth, I choose to trust the process and to trust the one who designed the process specifically for me.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 NIV


Do I really love God?

As a believer of Christ, I have taken notice that my connection with God does not feel as strong as it use to be once upon a time. A couple of months ago, the Lord brought it to my attention that one reason for this feeling was my lack of spending quality time with him. As a human being, it is natural to become so caught up in your daily routines or trying to complete everything listed on your schedule that we lose sight of what’s important. Nevertheless as believers, it is extremely easy to make a habit of doing certain spiritual things out of religious manner and obligation. God has made it known to me that he desires for me to spend quality time w/him out of desire, not from a place of performing religious routines.
For the longest, I perceived spending time w/God as something that is weighted heavily on the exact number of minutes or hours I would spend reading the bible or praying. As of recently, I have learned that God could care less about the exact number of minutes or hours a person spends with him, but what truly matters is the desired time. When being in a committed relationship, no one has to pull your teeth to hang out with that person or to talk to that person for countless hours. Personally, when being in a committed relationship, I would sacrifice the opportunity to do other things to make time specifically for my significant other. However, I was failing to do that exact action for God. Instead I would rush through reading a daily devotional or I would say a brief prayer in the car. Why is it that I can plan my schedule around a significant other, but only attempt to fit God into my prescheduled day.
I have come to realize that it is extremely easy to complete a task that you desire to do. For some people, including myself, spending time with God would come naturally if God is truly our heart’s desire. Lately, I have been using daily devotionals as a crutch for spending time with God. I’m not stating that reading a daily bread doesn’t count as spending time with God, however for some of us, that’s seems to be the only time God can receive. If I truly love God as much as I confess, I could sacrifice other activities or tasks to ensure that I talk to my father, God. Do you really think that God loved us enough to die, but doesn’t love of us enough to talk to his children. The Lord desires to hear from his children, because he loves us so much. Do we truly love God?